Stagnation in Relationships
By Jonathan Mitchell

Stagnation: the state of not flowing or moving. This can often describe standing water. It can be used to characterize a situation, or condition, where there is a lack of development. It is the mark of an unhealthy state of being. Used metaphorically, it is something that can happen in all relationships... in marriages, within families, amidst social groups, and in our relationship with the Lord.

What causes stagnation? In bodies of water, it can happen when water gets separated from the flow of a stream... the water continues to exist there, but there is no longer an inlet or an outlet. When such a thing happens in a relationship, there is no longer life in it, and it can become a breeding ground for "emotional insects." Stagnant relationships will often just dry up, and then disappear.

Although this term is not usually applied to a tree or a vine, a lack of flow of the sap through the branch will ultimately end in the death of that branch, and it will usually be pruned off. Jesus used the Vine-branch metaphor in Jn. 15. He desired His branches (His apprentices) to remain in Him and to produce His fruit. If there ceased to be a flow of His Life through "a branch," that person would not produce the Fruit of His Spirit, and would begin to die.

In marital relationships, if there is no longer engagement, if there comes to be an internal (or external) separation, there will be a ceasing of flow between the two of them, and that relationship will most likely stagnate. The same can happen between a person and a group. Paul described a called-out community as a "body of Christ," and each person as being an individual member of that body. Estrangement, rejection, of just lack of interaction will separate an individual from the flow of the life of the group. Likewise, if the group is stagnant it will become an unhealthy environment.

So how can this be prevented, in any relationship? We think that the answer lies in focusing upon things that will nourish, or build, and sustain communion... interaction, engaged participation, and fellowship. The Greek word for "fellowship" is "koinonia." This noun is based upon the adjective "koinos" (common) joined to the present participle, "on" (being; existing), and has the basic meaning: common being; common existing. Extended meanings can be "participation; partnership; fellowship," where one’s ongoing social existence involves participating in some group, or one’s business arrangement exists as a partnership, or one’s emotional being draws life from the common interaction (fellowship) with a group that has a common reason for existing.

If we know what brings life to a relationship, and if we have learned where the common interests lie, then if we desire to have a flourishing relationship (whether with an individual, or with a group) these two things may be the keys that will keep a flow going, and avoid the stagnation that will usually lead to a "dry" existence. Communication is a key to interaction. If we believe that God lives within us (we are His temple; a temple is the residence of a deity), then we can participate in interior conversations with God. Conversations involve listening, not just broadcasting. It is the same with all relationships. If we believe that our significant Other (God, spouse, family member, friend, etc.) has nothing to say to us, then it is likely that we will not be listening. Keep in mind that another person can be an inlet into our "pond." And so should it be, with our Father.

What are the things that God likes to do? What does your spouse like to do? What do your friends enjoy? In what is your group involved? Do you enjoy these same things? Then there is a chance for "koinonia." Recall how Paul describes the "Fruit of the Spirit," in Gal. 5:22-23,

"Love (unrestricted, self-giving acceptance; the drive to overcome existential separation; etc.), Joy, Peace (a Joining; binding together; [Jn. 14:27]) Length of Time before a stirring of emotion (slowness of rushing forward; long-enduring; patience; putting anger far away), useful Kindness (actionable empathy - Caletha Ellis), Goodness ([cf Eph. 5:9; virtuousness; [2 Thes. 1:11b]), Faith (or: faithfulness; trust; loyalty; reliability; allegiance; fidelity), gentle Friendliness (absence of ego dominance; mildness), inner Strength (self-control; [1 Cor. 9:25]). [The] Law is not down from (or: in accord with; a suppression of) such things (or: In the sphere of such [virtues], [the] Law does not exist; There is no code or custom against such Things; Law does not correspond to, is not along the line of, and is not on the level of such Things)." [cf Jn. 15:5; Rom. 5:5; 1 Cor. 13; 1 Thes. 1:6b; 1 Jn. 4:16]

Who is there that does not like participating in such things, or receiving from such emotional nourishment? Fruit is nourishing, is sweet, and brings joy...

"Taste and see that the Lord is good" (Ps. 34:8)!

To avoid stagnation, we suggest drinking in the admonitions in Paul’s letters. Consider what David said, in his day and culture:

"within His Law (or: dispensed and established principle) will he habitually meditate and give careful thought, day and night" (Ps. 1:2b).

In order for a pool not to stagnate, one of the things it needs is a constant intake of moving water. Jesus spoke of an inner spring of living water (Jn. 4:14; 7:38). This is what we need so that we will not be a stagnant pool to our spouse or to our friends. A person can only give what they have. This leads us to the other thing that we need in order to avoid stagnation: an outflow to others (and this would include, our Father). This life here is not just about our "ascending into the heavens," it is about bringing others higher, along with us, as we ascend the mountain. There is a beautiful statement by Paul in 1 Tim. 3:13, which I have translated literally:

"You see, those men giving supporting service and dispensing [goods, instruction or aid] in a fine, beautiful, excellent and ideal manner, continue in (or: by; for; among) themselves building around themselves a beautiful (fine; excellent; ideal) circular staircase (that which enables folks to step up to a higher place) and much confident freedom of speech (outspokenness and open boldness, which is the right of citizens) resident within faith, trust and loyalty - that which is resident within, and in union with, Christ Jesus." (cf 1 Cor. 6:17)

This reminds us of what Jesus said to Nathaniel and the others, in Jn. 1:51,

"It is certainly true (Count on it). I am presently laying it out, saying to you folks: you will proceed seeing the heaven (or: sky; atmosphere) being one that is opened back up again, and 'God’s agents (the folks with a message from God) repeatedly ascending (continuously and progressively stepping back up again) and then habitually descending (repeatedly and progressively stepping down)' [cf Gen. 28:12] upon the Son of the Man."

Recall the steps in the visionary temple (a figure of Christ and His body) in Ezk. 40:22, 26, 31 and 49. The temple was a figure for "heaven," and the priests who would be ascending and descending those steps were a figure of God’s agents. This apocalyptic picture corresponds to John seeing

"the set-apart (or: holy; sacred) city, Jerusalem, progressively (or: habitually; or: presently) descending out of the atmosphere (or: heaven), from God" (Rev. 21:10).

Take note that THIS city is

"the bride, the Lamb’s wife" (Rev. 21:9),

and recalls Paul’s symbolic reference to

"the Jerusalem which is above, which is the mother of us all" (Gal. 4:26)

No stagnation in these scenes or descriptions!

Whether we realize it, or not, we are all connected. We are "One Humanity" (Eph. 2:15); we are all members of what Paul termed "Adam," first being a part of the first Adam, but Adam’s destiny is to be the Last (corporate) Adam, the Second Humanity. This is the one "made out of heaven (or: from atmosphere) - 1 Cor. 15:45, 47 -

"the Added, Imposed, Heavenly Person (or: the one made of and having the quality and character of the added-heaven)" (15:48).

People who realize who they are, and are aware that we exist in God (Acts. 17:28), are people who are alive and excited, and are always ready to pour out the Life which they have, and are, into dry and thirsty souls. Interacting with folks such as this is the opposite of stagnation, it can be a rushing river ride. When we become aware that,

"[we] have approached so that [we] are now at Mount Zion - even in a city of a continuously living God; in 'Jerusalem-upon-heaven, also among ten-thousands (or: myriads) of agents and messengers (people with a/the message)" (Heb. 12:22),

we realize that we are in the flow.

Jonathan

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